I took a long walk today. A very long walk. It was a trip I deemed necessary. As much as a physical exercise, it was more in affect to my mind and emotion. It might seem like a trip of reminiscence. Even I myself question the reasons. Was it a sour attempt to relive the past? That would be a hallucination. Why is it that I take this effort to succumb to my emotions? In exaggeration, it may seem. Wouldn't it be easy to just forget about things of the past and create new history for myself? After all, the future waits in anticipation for treasures of my ambitions. I should charge and go for the offensive. Own that goal.

Well, the problem about me is I cherish the past too dearly. As silly as it is, I find it frustrating especially if it create displease. I can't seem to control that. The past was my foundation of what I am and have achieved so far. Mainly the encouragement, support and influences it has given me. It has lined up the faces that have played a part of my present stature. It is a circle I wish never to break. I want it to exist in my present so that it will take me to my distant future. The process matters to me. It made the essence of time what it is. I've always recalled it to be something beautiful that I'd gladly keep till I expire.

Someone told me I was stuck in a moment I can't get out from. Yes, from the U2 song. Well, fair enough perhaps. That would mean I have the ability to remember. At least, that's how I wish to absorb the comment.

Today, the reality is these strings of people in these surroundings are usually at odds with each other. Especially myself, I'd admit. It was something hard for me to come in terms with. You would always want to remember a perfect picture. Sociology and personalities plays few parts in some ways. I am born an emotional person. I am a person that propelled my affairs with love; sometimes too much I get misunderstood. It was cultivated from the undulating chain of the misfortunes.



The walk I took today was a long one. I reckon I was trying to find myself. I went to places that I have once found bliss in certain moments of my life. Even to places that stretched 10 years back. I felt a gush of memories running through my head. In particular, the details that have been obsolete through the years. It was amazing how the mind prompts itself and revives itself at its senses to a locale. All I have to do is walk and it will immerse itself through time. It was as if my eyes projected the people and surroundings that it was used to. I need to feel and see for myself the worthy of my efforts to acknowledge the essence of time. I need to be satisfied with myself that it has been a good while.

It may appear to what I believe as a minuscule paranoia. It has affected my ability to appreciate. It bluntly means I'm never usually amused. My meals are tasteless and I have lesser appreciation for the small fine blesses. The fact that I have lesser tolerance scares me that I don't think before I react. I can't even have enough patience to finish a newspaper article. I am often misunderstood and I do sense I am less approachable. I frown too often and have been reserved usually. All this traits are enough to make me stop and find myself all over again. If I am able to do that, then I am ready to find my other self. My true smile.